Every time I have a day off and I sit down at the computer to relax, I always feel like I should write a blog, but then I just sit here and think, what in the world would I write about? What could I talk about?
What I've found is that its not that there is a lack of topics to write about or quirky things to comment on, its just that there is really not much going on in my mind!If you were to be able to gaze inside my head, you would probably see a cow in an empty field chewing on the same grass it has been chewing on for the last hour and swatting flies with its tail. Or maybe it would be like the sound of a car engine that won't start, but you just keep trying to get it to turn over.
Please understand, I am not saying that I think that I'm stupid or ignorant. What I have found is that I have so many important things to worry about and contemplate most of the time, that when I have a moment to relax I just want to stare and think about nothing.
I have certain people in the church here for whom every day is a big dramatic ordeal. Every time I see them they have to tell me about how yesterday was either the worst day of their life or the best day of their life, or why today is the greatest emotional crisis that anyone has ever been through.And oftentimes these people are like, Oh, so what's going on with you? I feel kind of dumb saying it every time, but I'm always like, Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Today was just another day. I'm not lying and I'm not depressed. For a while I felt the obligation to try to think up something really interesting that I'm feeling or thinking, but there's just nothing there.And I've come to the point where I'm ready to simply start being honest! Hey World! There's nothing going on in here! Maybe you should take my pulse to make sure I'm still actually alive still, because probably my brain is not making any waves at all!
Now, I should also say that this state of thinking of nothing is not something that is constant with me. I love to study, I love to debate, I love to help people see what the Bible says about their lives and the situations they are in. I love to pray and I love to seek God.But there comes a time when I take a break from those things and just think of nothing. At the most, I want to sit for 42 minutes and watch Jack Bauer save the world (again ((and always from the "evil" Mexicans, Serbs, Arabs, or a combination of the 3--something I find very amusing(((there we go--finally something I could write a blog about)))))).
To be honest, I thank God that He made me this way. If I were one of those people who is constantly riding the proverbial emotional rollercoaster, it would be quite tiring and stressful.
For those of you who were wondering what is new with Rosemary and I, maybe you should ask Rosemary. In my mind its just the usual Nothing.